There I was sitting with an incredible young couple. They both grew up in solid homes with loving parents, they were college graduates, financially stable, and their new marriage was off to a great start with one little problem… sex.
With parents who danced around the topic like it had cooties and a church that gave halfhearted “sex talks,” they basically learned three things about God’s view of sex. All of which are mostly wrong.
1) Sex is taboo, run away as fast as you can. Often quoting verses like 1 Thessalonians 5:22 “Abstain from all appearance of evil.” Of course the implication is SEX IS EVIL. (Not to mention the poor exegesis.)
2) Pornography will melt your brain and turn you into a rapist and murderer. (Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t healthy! We just don’t need to execute you for murder quite yet. 🙂 Read more here. Freedom from Sexual Sin.)
3) If you wait until marriage sex will instantly be amazing and completely fulfilling.
And we wonder why there is so much disappointment and shame…
When she struggled to flip the switch from the doe-eyed virgin to a sex kitten, he started struggling with porn. Her fear that he was turning into Ted Bundy completely stalled this young marriage.
What’s really sad is this isn’t just one couple. As a pastor who has worked with many young adults, this type of situation is much more common than you think.
We did this to ourselves. A misguided passion for holiness led Christians to run from the parts of humanity that aren’t easily put into neat little boxes. Churches have made an attempt to address the issue of sex, along with the 90’s “True Love Waits” campaign, but unintentionally communicated some misleading messages. Appetites we should have been teaching our children to understand and manage we just told them to avoid, or even worse we didn’t speak to them at all. Somehow we are now surprised when our kids end up with sexual problems and have nowhere to turn. We are surprised when young Godly kids struggle for YEARS in their marriage and are too ashamed to talk about it.
Now we stand stunned, as sex has been hijacked by secular culture. Come on! How have we allowed this to happen?
Where are they supposed to learn about healthy sexuality if not the church and home?
It almost feels like the church wrapped sex up in a package with a bow and said, “Here secular culture, we don’t know what to do with this so you educate and define sexual morality for us.” So they did.
Students seeking information had to learn about sex from gym teachers in sex education and the locker room instead of parents and sound Christian institutions.
Here is the truth. God made sex. It isn’t bad. God gives clear boundaries not to keep us from pleasure, but to help us find our way to the best sex. It’s a journey and takes work!
Here is my call to Christian parents, Christian schools, churches, and Christian universities:
Stop ignoring this! Sex was created by God to be enjoyed. Please make my work easier by teaching about sex from a Biblically accurate perspective. Take sex out of the dark and bring it into the light. A healthy view of sex won’t happen in the courtrooms or in the school systems. It will begin within the boundaries of the one who designed us. Our kids will seek out answers somewhere and it’s unfortunate that the church and its people have been largely inadequate. In my opinion, the new sexual revolution needs to be in the church!
The Story of Me: Ages 3-5 http://amzn.to/MU3f9E
Before I was Born: Ages 5-8 http://amzn.to/1duqeCP
What’s the Big Deal?: Why God Cares About Sex: Ages 8-11 http://amzn.to/1ezSfnZ
Facing the Facts: Ages 11-14 http://amzn.to/1cG4hfL
The Meaning of Marriage: Adults http://amzn.to/1gmjHuka
Sheet Music: Adults http://amzn.to/1lTAiqT
Freedom from Sexual Sin: https://mcolaw.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/freedom-from-sexual-sin/
Digital Purity (A purity plan): https://mcolaw.wordpress.com/2012/11/26/digital-purity/
Accountability Questions: https://mcolaw.wordpress.com/2013/03/17/awkward-accountability-and-a-few-real-christians/
Here is the message: