To those who didn’t have a great dad


To those who didn’t have a great dad:


“I could never forgive him!”  These words often come out slowly, jaws clenched and body tense.  I have met many students deeply hurt by someone they have never met.  A student once said to me that the worst rejection anyone can feel is a father’s rejection.  Many have shared how bitter they are at their absent fathers, and the pain runs deep.  This reasoning sheds a lot of light on our culture’s view of family and children.


The conversation with these young students went something like this.  There are two biological connections to a child.  The requirement of the mother’s presence is much higher than the fathers.  She literally has to give birth to the baby.  The dad has “more” freedom to say he wants out.  This freedom means the choice to stay isn’t as much of an obligation for the father as it is for the mother.

When a father does stay, it’s almost like he says, “I can go, but I won’t!  I choose to be responsible.  To carry the weight, to love instead of leave.  I choose you.  I want you.” 


Did you notice it?  There are three powerful things that emerge from this conversation.


First, our culture now sees a baby as an obligation and a burden.  Even our own president has implied this numerous times. “But if they (his daughters) make a mistake, I don’t want them punished with a baby.” -Obama.


Second, the deepest desire of the young students in the class is to be chosen.  They want someone to love them not out of obligation, but out of a choice.


Third, they want to be enjoyed by their father.


Dads, when you CHOOSE to love your kids and enjoy them it speaks in ways deeper than words.  When the actions of your life proclaim that your family is a blessing and not a burden, it gives such deep value to life.


To those who didn’t have a good dad. 

To those who have spent their life feeling like a burden.

To those who feel like you brought pain to your parents instead of joy. 


I want to say this.


The power of the Gospel is you ARE chosen.  Jesus knows how fragile and flawed you are, how angry you may be.  When you feel the rejection of a very flawed, broken, human father, read the story of Christ.  Jesus chooses you.

Let that sink in…He chooses you.

This is real love.  To be fully known and still chosen.


Romans 5:8, “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”


Do you see it?  You are chosen, you are loved so deeply that the cost for your heart was fully worth it.  You aren’t a burden, you are a highly valuable and desired son or daughter.



Retrieved on June 12 2014 from CNN Transcripts,

5 thoughts on “To those who didn’t have a great dad

  1. In my 40’s I still unconsciously and desparately seek the feeling of being chosen by my earthly father. My Heavenly Father has provided me the strength and awareness to forgive, love, and strive to be a better Dad.

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