The sexuality of Jesus and the one big false assumption people believe about sex.
If the church isn’t teaching our kids about sex who is?
Dr. Todd Wilson in his book Mere Sexuality couldn’t have said it any clearer after working through the research of Mark Regnerus on sexuality and American youth. Listen to the results of these two researchers: “Christian teens have a decidedly unevangelical approach to sexual ethics; that is, they don’t connect Christ to sex” (Wilson, 2017).
Somehow, we have made it inappropriate or even wrong (it’s not) to talk about sex and sexuality in church. It’s been “inappropriate” for so long the research shows most youth of today don’t connect sexuality and faith at all.
Moreover, the very few who did tie them together had basically one comment, “Don’t have sex before you’re married.” This void has left the door wide open for anyone, literally anyone, willing to talk about sex to fill the void. Who spoke up? A lot of people, but most notably the porn industry. What do they want you to believe? That their product is vitally important, natural, and necessary to live a fulfilled life. It’s marketing, and when there is no competing voice it’s easy to dominate. Now, some would say, “Wait Pastor Mike, there has always been a strong voice against this type of lifestyle!” I would say, yes. There has always been a voice stating, “It’s evil and bad!”, but not many supported voices saying, “Here is a better and more satisfying way to understand sex.”
This leads to the one big misconception that the post-Puritan Western Christian culture has adopted. The act of sex and exploring all your sexual desires are central to being fully human.
This isn’t true from a Christian perspective. The Bible teaches that sex in marriage is good, but not necessary to have a full and complete life. Let me say it this way: You can be fully human with a fulfilled life as a single adult without partaking in sexual intercourse.
What if single and married adults could release the cultural pressure that they must have satisfying continual sexual experiences to be whole and complete? What if single adults could release the feeling that they have to marry to be fully human?
Dr. Wilson points to Jesus. He divinely chose to be male (not gender neutral) forever. He is male and everything that comes with being male, from facial hair to a penis. Dr. Wilson also points out that he wasn’t sexually active and didn’t marry. Moreover, the Bible teaches that people won’t marry in heaven (Mt. 22:30).
Jesus isn’t an incomplete human or less of a man because he wasn’t and isn’t sexually active. It must be possible to be fully human and not be sexually active.
Listen to how Dr. Wilson says it: “To be blunt, he (Jesus) didn’t need sex – not because sex is sinful or somehow beneath his dignity, but because sex isn’t essential to being human.” Listen to Richard Hays: “Despite the smooth illusions perpetrated by mass culture in the United States, sexual gratification is not a sacred right, and celibacy is not a fate worse than death.” After nearly 20 years of ministry and counseling I can personally and absolutely say that one of the greatest areas of personal dissatisfaction comes from the false assumption that continual and deeply satisfying sexual experiences for a lifetime are possible and necessary for one to be whole. As a Christian I believe this is not true and my evidence is in the sexuality of Jesus.
As a Christian, before you wrestle with marriage, homosexuality, gender identity or any other cultural hot topic, I say it is wise to begin with this question: What is required for a person to be whole? I think the answer begins in the life of Christ, the sexuality of Jesus.
I am just beginning this journey but I am fully committed to searching out deeper and deeper answers.
If you want more I encourage you to read Mere Sexuality by Todd Wilson, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, and You and Me Forever by Francis Chan.
Want resources to talk about sex with your kids? I enoucrage you to check this blog out. There is a list of resources at the end of it.