Confessions of a Contented Pastor’s Wife

pastors wife grannyBy Leslie Colaw

I don’t know if you’ve ever read any of those articles about how it’s hard to be a pastor’s wife. Usually the list of difficulties are things like the unrealistic expectations of others, not getting enough time with her husband, loneliness due to lack of real friendship, and not feeling appreciated for all the work she does, especially since a lot of it is behind the scenes.  Go ahead and Google “what it’s like to be a pastor’s wife” and you’ll see what I mean.

Okay, so here’s the confession…I actually really love being a pastor’s wife.  There, I said it.  I don’t really relate to those articles.  Like, at all really.  Often when I read them my reaction borders on annoyance.  I kind of wish people would stop writing those because they don’t reflect my feelings or experience.  I feel like they kind of make me look whiney.  Surely I’m not the only one who feels this way.  (Anyone….?)  However, I do recognize there must be PW’s (not to be confused with POW’s – hopefully you don’t feel your plight is similar) out there who do identify with these articles and I certainly don’t mean to minimize their experiences or feelings (solidarity sisters!), and I know each of us has a different experience depending on our context, but I thought I would write an article sharing my perspective because goodness, we are not all secretly miserable!

First, I’m not perfect, and I’m okay with that.  I don’t pretend to be perfect.  I don’t need to think I’m perfect.  I don’t need you to think I’m perfect.  If you need me to be perfect, sorry to disappoint. However, just like everyone else, I do sometimes worry too much about what people think.  Not because I’m a pastor’s wife, but because I’m human. Some days I skip my devotions. Sometimes I yell at my kids.  Sometimes I say things like, “Move, you moron!” when driving (don’t worry, the windows are closed so no one can hear me – well, except God and whatever children are in the car.  I didn’t say I was proud of this). Sometimes (very, VERY rarely) I’m cranky with my husband.  I care too much about how I look and don’t like that I’m getting close to 40 (or as I like to call it, thirty-ten).  I have wrestled with temptation, I have needed counseling, I know what it’s like to deal with messy, painful extended family issues.  Yep, I’m a regular person, and it doesn’t bother me at all for you to know that.  This is me. More important to me is to point you to the God who loves me in my messiness.  Who took an insecure young girl that struggled with depression and invited her into his great and worthy mission.  If my mess isn’t too messy for him, neither is yours.  That’s one reason I love being a pastor’s wife, so I can share that with people.

Second, I’m not lonely!  I have had many wonderful and dear friends in each of the four churches we have ministered in.  Specifically in our current church, I am blessed with several soul sisters, a few who know almost everything about me, including my hardest struggles.  We laugh at each other and bear each others’ burdens.  I’m not exactly sure why I have that and other PW’s don’t.  I recognize it as God’s blessing and provision, but I also think it’s because I’m willing to be vulnerable.  I can’t hold onto a false notion of perfection, a need to cast a model image. Like everyone else I need people around me who love me in my mess, but that requires me being willing to expose my mess, to allow myself to be seen.

That does come with a caution, however.  I don’t live at the same level of transparency with everyone.  There are certain things I only share with a select few who I know I can trust.  But that’s good advice for all of us, I think.

My husband is amazing.  Perhaps other PW’s aren’t married to a man as amazing as the one I’m married to.  Never have I felt like second priority or like I have to perform a certain way in order to make him look good.  He loves his wife and his kids so much, and we’re never in doubt of it.  He tells me I’m beautiful almost every day.  He values my input and can handle it if my opinion is different than his.  He loves to involve me, but doesn’t pressure me or put expectations on me.  We reserve Friday afternoon every week to have a lunch and coffee date together, and it is the rarest occasion that he has to cancel because of work.  He makes it priority.  He has always made me feel like we’re a team.  When it comes to life and ministry, we’re in it together.  Life with him has been an adventure.  He’s a go-getter and a visionary that never stops dreaming and I love that I get to come along for the ride.  (Oh, and he’s not bad-looking either.)  So a huge shout out to my husband for probably being the main reason I love being a pastor’s wife.  Or maybe it’s just that I love being YOUR wife.

I don’t feel unappreciated.  Honestly, this isn’t even something I ever really think about. The truth is I really don’t need to be thanked.  I truly love serving my church so much and find it rewarding and life-giving.  There’s nothing else I’d rather be doing with my life. But you know, I don’t think I say that as a pastor’s wife, but rather as a Christ follower who loves the mission of the church.  I am surrounded by staff and volunteers who give their all for the church.  We seriously have an incredible team.  There are volunteers who might even out-serve me at times!   I am just another of God’s servants doing what he’s called me to do.  Jesus laid down his life for the church, gave all of himself, and we as Christians are called to do the same.  Yes, there are those of us who do this vocationally, but the call is the same for all of us.

Yes, I get weary.  Yes, I get discouraged.  Yes, sometimes I feel like I’m in a battle and definitely appreciate all the prayers I can get!  And while I need and value the support and encouragement of my church family, ultimately I look to God to provide what I need, as we all should.  He empowers us by his grace to fulfill our calling, to live out his purposes, to love his people.  Yes, it can be really hard, but in my experience he always provides – every time.

That being said, I also recognize how fortunate I am!!  I am so incredibly thankful for such a wonderful church family.  Very few times has anyone said anything to me that made me feel I wasn’t measuring up (even if they did, again, I don’t need you to think I’m perfect!! See above).  Perhaps I don’t have the “typical” pastor’s wife struggles because I serve in such an amazing church!  I feel the love and support of my church family, and love them right back, with all my heart.

To my PW sisters out there who might be struggling…I pray that you will be encouraged, that your marriages will be strengthened.  I pray for the courage to allow yourselves to be seen and life-giving friendships that give you the space to do so.  (Side note: I’m always willing to lend a listening ear!  Feel free to message me.)  I pray for the freedom to live without the weight of the expectations of others so you can be yourself and serve in your own unique gifting.  Because after all, we are much more than pastor’s wives.  We are participants in God’s eternal mission, ambassadors of His great kingdom, endowed with the privilege of leadership in His most beloved possession – the Church.

The Hidden Work of God

focus-growth-leaves-127713The Hidden Work of God
by Leslie Colaw

The older I get the more I realize life isn’t simple, how sometimes there are just no easy answers to be found.  Even when the answer is clear, it doesn’t mean it’s easy, and sometimes the road ahead can seem really long.  I look around me and know I’m not alone…

There’s the husband whose wife is diagnosed with an incurable disease at an age much too young that makes her physically and mentally disabled, an invalid for life.  He faithfully takes care of her, year after long year.  It’s the parents who lose their child, left to deal with the laborious, wearisome road of grief.  It’s the person living with chronic illness, waiting for healing that doesn’t come, or the addict wishing he could be set free.  It’s every Christian who continually chooses to walk in self-denial, adamantly and unwaveringly pursuing God’s call.  For many of us in this life, there is no big fanfare, no celebratory climax when everything becomes clear, when all is made better or easier.

In the quiet, daily dedication of those who faithfully, humbly accept their unwelcome burden, there is a hidden work of God taking shape.  It’s a tedious evolution, produced slowly over time by a series of everyday events common to the human experience, seemingly inconsequential to us.  This work in us is hidden, often even from ourselves.  “A seed only flourishes by staying in the ground in which it is sown…this work happens even when we do not feel it” (Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love).  He is the vine, we are the branches.  As we remain in Him, He promises to remain in us and bear much fruit (John 15:4).  As we patiently endure through our harsh realities, a gentle beauty is born, beauty that we cannot conjure on our own.  He produces a different, better kind of life that we cannot understand until we experience it, until we see it begin to take form in us as we trust him in our pain, as we submit to his higher calling of self-denial.  This is where we begin to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “If you choose self-sacrifice, giving up your lives for my glory, you will embark on a discovery of more and more of true life” (Luke 9:24 TPT).  In our experiences of loss, there is also the birth of something new.

It’s about the willingness to be led where we would rather not go, trusting his strength is made perfect in our weakness, about looking to Him to supply what we need when we reach the end of ourselves.  Just like he provided manna from heaven and water from a rock for his people as they wandered through the desert.  It won’t be everything, but it will be enough…and the Promised Land is ahead.

But aren’t we supposed to be joyful and live in victory?  John Bunyan in The Pilgrim’s Progress portrays the Christian journey as one fraught with danger, temptation, and much difficulty.  There are seasons of respite, glimpses of Paradise ahead, but this story reminds us that the way to glory is found through suffering.  We aren’t promised the fulfillment of every desire, a life of ease, every prayer answered.  Jesus said, “Narrow is the road that leads to life, and there are few who find it” (Matthew 7:14).  He also told us in this world we would have trouble, and yet we are still somehow surprised by it.  Many of us have had those moments when we shake our fist at the heavens, begging for an answer to our question of “Why?”, and we are met with silence.

So what is our response?  Even the apostle Paul suffered with a thorn in his flesh, and he pleaded with God to remove it, to which God replied, “My grace is sufficient for you.”   Paul’s response?  “I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may rest on me” (2 Cor. 12:9).  Sometimes we are healed, sometimes we do get the victory we seek…and sometimes we are left in our weakness, day by day learning to rely on Him to supply what we need.  If we pay attention, we will begin to see the quiet, hidden miraculous take shape.  We discover that in Christ, our weakness produces strength; what appears to be the basis for despair proves to be the basis for hope; what looks like defeat proves to be victory.

 And so we look to the joy set before us, knowing that “the tested genuineness of [our] faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ” (1 Peter 1:7 ESV). When Jesus was on the cross, the victory was hidden.  His disciples were afraid, defeated.  His own mother watched, her heart shattered.  God’s work of redemption was hidden on that day.  It may at times appear the same to us today, but it is there, and it is glorious.

You are not in a discipleship group. You are just hanging out with friends.

No, you are not in a discipleship group. You are just hanging out with friends.

If you pressed me to to pin down a way to measure whether your Christian small group (d-group, huddle, outpost, home group, cell group or whatever your church calls it) is actually accomplishing discipleship, I would ask two questions.

Are you equally transparent with each other?

I don’t believe you are in a true discipleship group until confession is taking place. Is it expected and encouraged for people to be truly honest about personal struggles? Another way to ask the question would be this: Are you in a group where no part of your heart goes unshared? Until honesty becomes normal and expected you’re not there yet.

Are you being held accountable to love rightly?

Christian discipleship is first and foremost about forming what you love. It is not primarily an intellectual endeavor but a shaping of your heart. If you were to ask me a way to measure success in discipleship I would simply ask questions about how your affections have changed. You must be in a group that not only has true transparency but in mutual voluntary submission unilaterally holds each other accountable to love what Christ loved and how he loved. Personal accountability must exist.

Your group may be intellectually stimulating, filled with laughter, have delicious food in plenty, prayer and Bible reading, but without the aforementioned ingredients it’s still not a true discipleship group.

I fear that most Christian gatherings have really become small social clubs where honoring modern social norms has greater value than pursuing real holiness.

I believe we need a revival of real discipleship in our churches. Am I alone?

Bridging the Generational Divide


Leading people from different generations can be really difficult.

Christianity Today talks about generational differences and the subsequent conflict as one of the primary reasons for division in the church, and this tension is increasing.

One of the main reasons for this is our rapidly changing culture. “In past centuries, because culture changed more slowly, when people entered the church, they entered into [a common] church culture. They sang common music and spoke a common language. -Christianity Today

Today, we are fragmented, and as a culture this fragmentation is rapidly changing. With this idea in mind, I was even more proud of our organization when a visitor shared that we at Trinity ( bridge the generational divide really well.

Though I am sure we don’t do it perfectly and we have our share of tension, I will pass along our little secret.


We work to build a very specific generational culture in our church. Here is our “secret sauce.”

We constantly push the young to build a culture of honor toward those that have gone before them. We constantly push the old to build a culture of hope for the younger generations to grow toward.

A culture of honor.

It’s popular and almost encouraged by secular media to create a culture of blame. (I’m tipping my hat towards CNN right now…Fox News is next, calm down!) Specifically, the younger blaming their predecessors for the socioeconomic and spiritual difficulties in the world. In our organization we do have someone and something to blame and it’s not old people – it’s sin and Satan. We also teach that this world is fallen and corrupt. The older folks struggled themselves as they were also handed a fallen and broken world. We  at Trinity Church don’t create a culture of blame towards old folks, we build a culture of honor for their best effort and look to them to build a culture for us, which leads me to my next cultural value.

A culture of hope.

It’s equally popular among many older adults to create a culture of doom and misery. (Ahem, Fox News…) Here is the truth. The doomsayers are right! This world will fall, but it isn’t the millennials fault. I personally see a lot of potential in them! (See 4 Reasons I love Millennials for more.) The world was predestined to fall long before any of them ever walked the earth. The blame is sin and Satan. The good news, Jesus is coming again! A perfect kingdom and renewed culture will be created. Most people work really hard to hyper focus on what is broken now. We as an organization work to remind and lift their eyes to the glorious perfection that awaits those that embrace Christ. (See Modernity is Dead for more.)

Additionally, at a practical level it’s really hard to coach, encourage or speak into someone’s life when all you do is berate them. Lastly,

most young adults are looking for a party when what they need is a family.

If our churches will embrace a culture of honor and hope they just might find it.

So, how do we bridge the generational divide? With a culture of honor and hope. 


*Christianity Today. Can Your Church Leadership Represent Every Generation? Last Accessed July 26, 2018

What if my kids or I have doubts about Christianity?


What if my kids or I have doubts about Christianity?

Do you have to FULLY believe in Jesus to be saved? 

“Pastor Mike…” He paused for a moment with tears welling up. “I grew up in the church and lately I am having a hard time believing that all this could be true. Don’t hear me wrong, I want to believe! I just can’t. It all seems too good to be true. I feel like I am slowly falling apart. Like a part of my identity is slipping away. What do I do? If I am wrong and there is a God I’m afraid I’ll go to hell. If I am right and there isn’t a God I feel like I have wasted so much of my life.”

This is a good set of questions. One I’m inclined to believe many people may struggle with. Let me address his question a statement at a time. But, before I do let me reword the big question because I think this is what this specific young man is actually asking. “Do you need to live in a constant state of super faith always believing and have no seasons of doubt to be saved?”

Now, let’s go back to his specific statements.

“I want to believe! I just can’t.”

I believe there is a difference between a rebellious heart that rejects God and a “doubting Thomas” that struggles. The Bible speaks a lot about a heart that has grown weary and feels distant or even void of God. From the prophets of old and King David in the Psalms to the New Testament, modern day doubters actually stand alongside some amazing people. Let’s take Thomas (John 20:24-29). His doubt in a resurrected Christ didn’t keep Christ from eventually meeting him. I truly believe a heart that is genuinely searching and not in arrogant rebellion against God will eventually see Him. That’s the point. Everyone will see Christ! (John 14:11-12) How you will respond depends on the condition of your heart. There is a difference between times and seasons of doubt and a heart that is in arrogant rebellion. Stay teachable and stay humble. Don’t stop pursuing. Faith will come in due season. Some of my favorite spiritual leaders, including C.S. Lewis, have been there. You may feel lost but God hasn’t lost you. Lastly, your belief or lack of it doesn’t make God more or less real. God isn’t like Santa Claus in some of the modern movies. He doesn’t lose power or fade if you don’t believe in Him. His reality stands fully independent of us.

“It all seems too good to be true.”

Yes, yes it is! The whole story of perfect redemption is so incredibly good it is beyond the “real”state of this fallen and decaying world. I think all passionate Christians are at some level dreamers and romantics. The eternal world we as Christians see in our dreams and visions spurred by the Bible is so gloriously good it’s beyond what any eye has seen or ear has heard (1 Cor 2:9-10). Here is the catch. If spirituality isn’t real what does it matter? If none of this is real there is no punishment at the end for people who live with spiritual hope. As far as I can tell, after years of counseling, believing you are merely a product of random chance with no real purpose and every good thing you will ever experience can only be found on this planet often leaves people, in the end, rather miserable. From my perspective faith in and of itself is worth exploring just for the profound life improvement it gives when rightly applied. If this short lived broken world is all that humans have we are to be pitied. We somehow evolved a deep metaphysical hunger with nothing to satisfy it. Yes, Christianity isn’t an easy life but it promises that this isn’t the truest life. Hope is so powerful. The potential eternal payoff of faith is worth it and so is the hope it gives in this very disheartening current world. Don’t stop humbly searching.

“I feel like I am slowly falling apart. Like a part of my identity is slipping away. What do I do?”

You feeling lost and you being lost are two different things. You knowing who you are and someone else knowing who you are are two different things. I would say this. If you truly do have a humble and teachable heart and you really do want to believe, your metaphysical amnesia is not who you really are and one day you will remember. Don’t stop searching and praying for the presence of God.

“I’m afraid I’ll go to Hell.”

Why? Are you rejecting God or struggling to see Him at this time in life? As best as I can tell seasons of doubt aren’t sin. It’s not about the doubt. It’s about what you do with your seasons of doubt. Keep searching and praying that God will reveal Himself.

“If I am right and there isn’t a God I feel like I have wasted so much of my life.”

Why? As mentioned above the risk of belief is negligible compared to the risk of unbelief. Additionally, the ways of Christ are so good! Selfless charitable love, the incredibly high value of all people and the importance of being agents of mercy, grace and generosity are wonderful things. Yes, all through history there have been religious hypocrites and Pharisees. I am not implying that you should be this. It’s all about Jesus. I think all people need Jesus the person as well as his ethics. This is all in addition to the beautiful purpose and hope that Christianity gives a heart when it is truly about a relationship with Jesus.

Final Thoughts:

  • I pray this brings peace to those who are in seasons of doubt. I actually understand quite well and you stand with many other great spiritual leaders.
  • This doesn’t tackle other faiths. This talks about faith itself. I believe Christianity and Christ stand uncontested, yet this is for another blog.
  • If anyone has any other questions feel free to email me at I can’t promise I’ll know the answer but I will do my best.

Modernity is dead.

The stories we tell ourselves shape us in big ways:

I am ugly. No one loves me. I have been mistreated. I deserve what was given to another.

There are countless little stories we tell ourselves. These little stories usually happen in our head after an unfortunate event has taken place. Your coworker is promoted and you aren’t. Than on the ride home after work you play back all the reasons why this happened. Usually all the versions we tell ourselves (or our “self speak”) are tainted just enough to make us the innocent victim and treated unfairly. We tell ourselves we are the victim of bad genetics, bad parents, or societal and social preferences that don’t lean in our favor. All the people around us are racist, ageist, misogynist, or only care about a degree. We are the victim. Even if these perceptions are true, a continual obsession over them can lead good hearts to very dark places. Learning to handle these appropriately is very important. However, there is an even darker place on this pity journey our hearts can step towards, one that can lead to full desperation, and this is what I want to focus on.

The story we are told we fit into is shaping us in even bigger ways:

This is the societal “story” that we adopt. It doesn’t pop into our minds nearly as often but it shapes us in profound ways. The modern meta story that secular culture teaches our children is that we have no purposeful origin and that we are all products of random chance. Culture says that we as humans are not here because we were intentionally made. We are told all that is real is in this material world. There is no after life or spirituality. When you die it’s all over. All the good that you can experience is a roll of the die in this short little life of yours. Even the wealthiest and most powerful still lose everything. Since we are taught that every joy can only be experienced here in this brief life many of us feel in deep want with no real way to find wholeness. So people do desperate things to at least be heard. Watch the news. You see “I hurt! Hear me!” in story after story. In this “modern” meta-narrative we find ourselves deeply depressed. If all we have is evolution it couldn’t have been more cruel. We have grown hungers for things that aren’t real. People want to live forever in a place of peace and relational harmony. We want to experience true justice. We desire a real purpose that actually matters. Almost all of us want a better story than the “real” one we have been peddled in school. So we find humans immersed in entertainment. Little distractions from reality. We love to be temporarily swoon by another meta narrative. We are moved deeply by powerful stories of deeper purpose and beautiful love. Than, we are rudely woken up again and again by the drum beat of modern education saying, “You are chance, random, and temporary. You are chance, random, and temporary. You are chance, random, and temporary…” When the drum beats so loud not even entertainment can drown it out we medicate to dull our senses.

I see modernity as it is… Modernity is not a rescue for humanity it is a rat trap. It looks and smells good. It promises freedom from “old” rules but chains us to something much more cruel… meaninglessness.

Here we find ourselves ironically close in desperation to our brothers and sisters in Ancient Rome. Many Roman leaders believed that rightly operated societies and systems would solve humanities ailments. Roman expansion conquered to make all civil. Yet, in the wake of social systems in the Roman Republic (which means “public good”) we find regular people desperate and lost. Even powerful leaders who thrived off of these systems found themselves without a real compass for their heart. Pilate’s famous line says it all in John 18:38. “What is truth?” Jesus than shows up on the scene with a new story. A truer story. A story we need trumpeted again today. You have purpose, you have origin and destination. Your greatest joys and most fulfilling purpose is still yet to come. What is material is not what is most real. Your hunger for what this world can’t offer is only evidence that you were made for another “world.” You feel lost because you are. You are not home. Deep inside we dream of an Eden we long for a Heaven. Every romantic story roars of our deeper and realer hungers. Christ says wake them up! Make them so awake that only a love so perfect and good as His can fulfill it. If you were to say that Christians are hopeless romantics lost in another story I would say a resounding “yes!” And it is a gloriously better story than the one Ancient Rome and Modernity has forced upon us. If it is wholeness, purpose and peace you are after than listen to Christ’s meta-narrative. In John 14:1-14 the hope of heaven hangs like the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread at grandmas house after a long ride in the car to visit her for the holidays. It is oh so good and gloriously better than the state you were in.

Real Christians have found something so immeasurably good. A better meta-narrative. If you are mistreated at work, of a people group that wrongly has misfortune set upon you, possess bad genetics, or grew up in a terrible home we believe your best story hasn’t even begun. As a Christian those awful things become weak and feeble at the foot of the cross. Your best days, our best days are still before us. I have hope and that hope is so incredibly powerful!

This is not the end.

The sexuality of Jesus and the one big false assumption people believe about sex.


The sexuality of Jesus and the one big false assumption people believe about sex.

If the church isn’t teaching our kids about sex who is?

Dr. Todd Wilson in his book Mere Sexuality couldn’t have said it any clearer after working through the research of Mark Regnerus on sexuality and American youth.  Listen to the results of these two researchers: “Christian teens have a decidedly unevangelical approach to sexual ethics; that is, they don’t connect Christ to sex” (Wilson, 2017).

Somehow, we have made it inappropriate or even wrong (it’s not) to talk about sex and sexuality in churchIt’s been “inappropriate” for so long the research shows most youth of today don’t connect sexuality and faith at all.

Moreover, the very few who did tie them together had basically one comment, “Don’t have sex before you’re married.”  This void has left the door wide open for anyone, literally anyone, willing to talk about sex to fill the void.  Who spoke up?  A lot of people, but most notably the porn industry.  What do they want you to believe?  That their product is vitally important, natural, and necessary to live a fulfilled life.  It’s marketing, and when there is no competing voice it’s easy to dominate.  Now, some would say, “Wait Pastor Mike, there has always been a strong voice against this type of lifestyle!”  I would say, yes.  There has always been a voice stating, “It’s evil and bad!”, but not many supported voices saying, “Here is a better and more satisfying way to understand sex.”

This leads to the one big misconception that the post-Puritan Western Christian culture has adopted.  The act of sex and exploring all your sexual desires are central to being fully human.

This isn’t true from a Christian perspective.  The Bible teaches that sex in marriage is good, but not necessary to have a full and complete life.  Let me say it this way:  You can be fully human with a fulfilled life as a single adult without partaking in sexual intercourse. 

What if single and married adults could release the cultural pressure that they must have satisfying continual sexual experiences to be whole and complete?  What if single adults could release the feeling that they have to marry to be fully human?  

Dr. Wilson points to Jesus.  He divinely chose to be male (not gender neutral) forever.  He is male and everything that comes with being male, from facial hair to a penis.  Dr. Wilson also points out that he wasn’t sexually active and didn’t marry.  Moreover, the Bible teaches that people won’t marry in heaven (Mt. 22:30).

Jesus isn’t an incomplete human or less of a man because he wasn’t and isn’t sexually active.  It must be possible to be fully human and not be sexually active.

Listen to how Dr. Wilson says it: “To be blunt, he (Jesus) didn’t need sex – not because sex is sinful or somehow beneath his dignity, but because sex isn’t essential to being human.”  Listen to Richard Hays: “Despite the smooth illusions perpetrated by mass culture in the United States, sexual gratification is not a sacred right, and celibacy is not a fate worse than death.”  After nearly 20 years of ministry and counseling I can personally and absolutely say that one of the greatest areas of personal dissatisfaction comes from the false assumption that continual and deeply satisfying sexual experiences for a lifetime are possible and necessary for one to be whole.  As a Christian I believe this is not true and my evidence is in the sexuality of Jesus.

As a Christian, before you wrestle with marriage, homosexuality, gender identity or any other cultural hot topic, I say it is wise to begin with this question: What is required for a person to be whole?  I think the answer begins in the life of Christ, the sexuality of Jesus.

I am just beginning this journey but I am fully committed to searching out deeper and deeper answers.

If you want more I encourage you to read Mere Sexuality by Todd Wilson, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, and You and Me Forever by Francis Chan.

Want resources to talk about sex with your kids? I enoucrage you to check this blog out.  There is a list of resources at the end of it.

What if God’s view of money is a little different than Dave Ramsey’s?


What if God’s view of money is a little different than Dave Ramsey’s?*
Who would you follow?

I think most Christians don’t realize how counter-cultural Biblical teaching is.

One of these areas is money. It’s become passé or even inappropriate to talk about money in church over the last 20 years.
In comical contrast the Bible talks about wealth and what to do with it a lot!
So, I find myself at the first point of tension. Something addressed so frequently in the Bible is addressed very infrequently in the church… unless there is a building project. 😉
But what are we supposed to DO with our resources?
I am working towards teaching a stewardship series in the next few months and I want to do my best to figure out what the Bible actually says about money. I would love your help! So far here is what I am finding while comparing popular (Christian I might add) books about money with the Bible.

  • Most don’t work to understand what the Bible actually says in full context, they work to find selected verses out of the Bible that support a pre-determined belief.
  • We tend to think we own what we have control over. We far too often forget that we will have EVERYTHING material taken away from us and will be held accountable for how we managed it. Even our bodies.
  • Those that do study the Bible don’t spend enough time on meta ideas. What does the larger narrative teach? This is why I won’t list specific scriptures until the end. In this article I will talk about the overarching ideas about money, generosity, work, and philanthropy.

C.S. Lewis seems like a decent voice to start a conversation about the overall Biblical concept of money. So, I will let him speak up first.

In the passage where the New Testament says that everyone must work, it gives as a reason “in order that he may have something to give to those in need.” Charity—giving to the poor—is an essential part of Christian morality: in the frightening parable of the sheep and the goats it seems to be the point on which everything turns. -C.S. Lewis

Big Ideas:
• Here is the actual Biblical meta instruction. All should work AND all should be giving to people in need.
• Moreover, generosity isn’t an optional subsect of Christianity, it is in the DNA of Christianity.
Application Question:
• Are you doing your best to work?
• Are you giving to those in need? (We will talk about the amount in a minute.)

Some people nowadays say that charity ought to be unnecessary and that instead of giving to the poor we ought to be producing a society in which there were no poor to give to. They may be quite right in saying that we ought to produce this kind of society. But if anyone thinks that, as a consequence, you can stop giving in the meantime, then he has parted company with all Christian morality. -C.S. Lewis

Big Ideas:
• Is it wrong to establish a society that has a culturally wide means of helping those in need? No. That’s fine and does honor God.
• Does this excuse Christians from participating in directly giving to the poor? No.
• Moreover, after examining the scripture C.S. Lewis seems to believe a Christian that doesn’t live generously towards the poor isn’t really a Christian.
Application Question:
• Do you use state-based charity to excuse yourself from giving PERSONALLY to those in need?

I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. -C.S. Lewis

Big Ideas:
• One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is what am I willing to live on? Then ask God to bless you far beyond that in your work for the purpose of generosity. Contrary to popular Christian books, Lewis doesn’t think we are to keep up with our income peers.
Application Idea:
• Do you live a lifestyle BELOW your income for the purpose of GIVING IT AWAY?

Most Christian financial advisors have two flawed presuppositions that I can see:

  1. “The goal is to save for retirement.” I know this will be unpopular, but I don’t see retirement supported Biblically. If retirement means self-indulgence or ”finally living for me.” Am I wrong? I don’t think we are to “coast” at all in this life. If retirement is financial freedom to serve in another capacity that may be different.
  2. “You deserve what you have.” Nope, it’s a gift from God. Even the talent to get what you have is a gift. You could have been born into poverty in India or been born with a severe mental disorder. Everything you have is a gift from God to be used to make Jesus famous and usher His ways into this world.

Thoughts, ideas?

Lewis, C. S. Mere Christianity (C.S. Lewis Signature Classics) (p. 86). HarperCollins. Kindle Edition.

Here are a few verses that deal with generosity. Remember to read them in FULL context.
1 Timothy 6:17-19; Luke 12:33; Matthew 6:21; Malachi 3:10; Ecclesiastes 5:10; Romans 13:8; Psalm 37:16-17; Proverbs 13:11; Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 6:24; Exodus 22:25; 1 Timothy 6:10; Deuteronomy 23:19; Matthew 19:21; Proverbs 17:16

*I don’t necessary think Dave Ramsey is bad. We even teach it at our church. FPU is so much better than typical American financial management. I am just curious how FPU (and other financial methods) stack up against the Bible directly.

Why God is the only being who can say “Everyone praise me!” and it’s gloriously good for all.

Why God is the only being who can say “Everyone praise me!” and it’s gloriously good for all.
One of the most common complaints I get against Christianity focuses on the seemingly needy God of the Bible. No, he doesn’t need food or money, but God is over and over again wanting praise.
Many scholars over the years have picked up on this. Listen to the way C.S. Lewis stated it while he was wrestling (and I do mean wrestle, spiritual formation for Lewis was often a battle) through it.
“We all despise the man who demands continued assurance of his own virtue, intelligence or delightfulness; we despise still more the crowd of people round every dictator, every millionaire, every celebrity, who gratify that demand… Thus a picture, at once ludicrous and horrible, both of God and of His worshippers threatened to appear in my mind.” –C.S. Lewis
Harsh words. However, he is right. We don’t like glory hogs. Something deep in use despises the person who thinks they are amazing. Yet, over and over again in the Bible that’s what God seems to be doing. Right?
Look at Psalm 111:1-10 as an example.
1 Praise the Lord! I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart, in the company of the upright, in the congregation.
2 Great are the works of the LORD, studied by all who delight in them.
3 Full of splendor and majesty is his work, and his righteousness endures forever.
4 He has caused his wondrous works to be remembered; the LORD is gracious and merciful.
5 He provides food for those who fear him; he remembers his covenant forever.
6 He has shown his people the power of his works, in giving them the inheritance of the nations.
7 The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy;
8 they are established forever and ever, to be performed with faithfulness and uprightness.
9 He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name!
10 The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; all those who practice it have a good understanding. His praise endures forever!

Glory hog. Right?
How can a being be truly good if he constantly demands to be worshiped?
Here is the difference. It manifests itself as good in three ways as I see it so far. Honestly, it has taken me years to wrap my brain around this. My understanding is still in want, but it’s growing.

First: For all finite creatures attention and glory are a limited substance. When one demands glory or attention it is being taken off another. The greater something is worshiped the more likely something else is to ultimately suffer. The more that is demanded of worshipers the more the worshipers keep losing. Look at human history as an example. Why is this not true with the God of the Bible? God is the only true giver. All other things must survive by drawing something from others, but God doesn’t draw or need. He is of something totally other. The truest of givers. To pour out unto him isn’t a draining, it’s a filling as he pours back into us even more than we give.
This begs a question – what is God giving?

Second: C.S. Lewis says it better than I can.
The world rings with praise—lovers praising their mistresses, readers their favorite poet, walkers praising the countryside, players praising their favorite game—praise of weather, wines, dishes, actors, motors, horses, colleges, countries, historical personages, children, flowers, mountains, rare stamps, rare beetles, even sometimes politicians or scholars.
Here it is, the one substance that doesn’t run out, the thing that is the very attribute of God as expressed in Jesus – true love.
You see glimpses of it in beautiful little ways. When we were pregnant with our second child I remember being nervous that I wouldn’t be able to love him with the same depth as the first. Somehow love didn’t grow thinner, it grew deeper. With every child and their subsequent personalities love took on new types of expression and grew bigger and bigger.
Worship of God is participating in making love bigger.
Worship of God is participating in making joy bigger.
Worship of God is participating in making peace bigger, and so on. (Galatians 5:22-23)

Third: As I see it, God demanding our worship is a calling for us to grow the number of those who participate in this cosmic expansion of good.
Matthew 28:18-20 says that we are called to go and make disciples. What does that mean? That we are called to bring others along to see and experience this beauty too, like wanting someone to share in the enjoyment in a beautiful work of art.

Dr. John Piper says it well. “God is most glorified when we are most satisfied in Him.”

Do you see it? It’s not a cosmic needy old lady demanding attention. It’s a marriage proposal from a lover who wants us to join in a relationship that is ever growing in beauty. The kind that all are hearts deep down really want. The kind that fairy tales are based on. “Happily ever after” wants you.

C. S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms (1st ed., 1958; reprint, New York: Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1986), 80.

Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms, 94.

Why does everyone hate on America these days?

Why does everyone hate on America these days?

Do you remember the old Superman movies? The ones with Christopher Reeve? For a decade or more he was a hero many of us pretended to be as we ran around in our back yards with towels draped over our backs.


Truth, justice and the American way.

That was his motto.

It was cool to be an American back then.

Acting justly. Speaking truth. Standing up for those who needed a voice and a helping hand. Even Superman himself was an immigrant of sorts trying to find his way through “E pluribus unum.” (Most aren’t even taught that famous Latin phrase anymore. You should look it up.)


That feels like another world, another America.

What happened?

Oh, it’s complicated and the blame is without end. Yet, over the last 50 years the journey to utopia turned into dystopia.

People became obsessed with the very real broken parts of America. Instead of hyper focusing on racism, immigration, gender equality or the many other points of tension let me offer another way to look at America. The core of what it means to be American.

America isn’t a static thing. It’s a trajectory. Something we are always working to become. From the abolishment of slavery to the big screen with Superman, it wasn’t that we WERE America, this perfect place. It’s that we have ALWAYS believed we were made for more than what we currently were. That’s what being American is all about. Not primarily the realization of what is broken, but the fearless commitment to continue to become more.

This dystopian melodramatic obsession that plagues blogs, Hollywood, our professional sports teams and even national news… the continual beating of the anti-American drum is missing the whole point of what being American actually means.

America isn’t a failed perfect society. America has ALWAYS been flawed.

It’s never been about a “current perfection”, but what we are working to become. America is a collective of people obsessed with taking a country in a direction.

America is a type of direction. (Read that last sentence a few times.)

Thomas Jefferson could see it long ago.Thomas-Jefferson-Wearing-Sunglasses--87643

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

That’s what America is. It’s not dead unless we stop growing towards this end.

America is a trajectory. I find that I am ever more proud to be an American. Why, not because we have it all figured out. We don’t! And that’s the point. America is a good PROCESS to be proud of. It’s worth fighting for and defending nationally.

When some confused professor or fellow citizen says, “I am embarrassed to be American because they owned slaves and kept woman from owning property.” Remind them. “We don’t now, and that’s the point!”

  • We had an African American president!
  • Woman hold some of the highest paying jobs in America!
  • Minorities can be famous and multimillionaires!

Oh, we have a long way to go, but we are going.womansrights

The only thing that is embarrassing about America are those who see her flaws and STOP being proud to be American. The journey by ALL people towards life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Yes, we have to work out what exactly this means, but that is part of the trajectory. That’s being American. It makes us so incredible and unique.

Yes, we are all ashamed of some parts of America right now, but that’s ALWAYS been true.  However, I am not ashamed of what America is about, what it originally meant and what it still means today.

Out of many we are one. One people group that believes that all people are valuable* and deserve justice, to know, pursue and wrestle with truth, and finally find happiness.

It’s a long and hard process, but it’s the American way. It IS being American.

So, if you are frustrated with America, don’t stop being American. Be more American!

(Cue the old Superman music with a voiceover of “I stand for Truth, justice and the American way.”)

What does being an American mean to you? Have you ever shared it with someone?

*By “valuable” I mean ETERNALLY valuable. I believe people are uniquely created by God. Many of our founding fathers believed this too.  The immense worth of the individual as defined by God is an essential part of being American.